dreamy dream cave of my dreams

I don't think I've ever mentioned that there is a cave inside my head. The cave is my "happy place" in my imagination that I can retreat to when real life is unpleasant. I didn't have one until a few years ago when a friend described her mental paradise and I had the oddest stirring of envy that her mental real estate was grander than mine. I began developing my fantasy space that day.

It started as a dark cave and stayed that way for at least a year- just a little blue/black cave with nothing in it but me.

The next few years of cave visits made me elaborate on the concept. If I was going to go there often, I figured I could do more with the place. When I reflect on that period in my life where a dark cave seemed like the perfect place to be, I know I was experiencing some depression.

Light was the first thing I added. I pictured stalactites and stalagmites softly glowing in bright pastels. Much better. I added a thick moss carpet speckled with snowdrops too.

That was good enough for a long time but I got lonely. I invited a handful of shaggy albino bats with lavender eyes. The cave was getting crowded so I constructed a long dark tunnel with a massive chamber at the end. I still haven't been down there because I accidentally added a giant creature curled up and sleeping soundly. I don't want to disturb it.

The only reason I know that there is a giant creature sleeping at the end of the tunnel is because the chamber echoes it's heavy breathing. Oh neat! My imaginary space just went from a silent to a talkie!

Since I heard the breathing, I couldn't help but hear the drip dripping of water from the stalactites (it kind of sounds like droplets falling on a xylophone) and the rustle of bat wings.

If I can hear, I can smell. Caves have a reputation for cavestank but I assure you that mine is a sensory pleasure on all fronts. The moss carpet smells earthy and fresh and the long dark tunnel smells faintly of mint and is a few degrees cooler at the entrance.

I'm thinking about adding a hot spring to bathe in but I can't tell if that is too much. It is hard to be tasteful with an unlimited imaginary budget.

I know I'm not the only one with mental hideaways. I'd love to hear about yours. If you don't have one, you can use mine (but not while I'm there because I'm naked of course).

Cave treasury

bit by bit by bit

I recently attended a workshop at the public library on the topic of creating new habits, achieving goals and generally getting things done. It was not nearly as annoying as I feared. The presenter was very relatable as a fellow ADDer who understands the difficulty of managing daily tasks and balancing big projects with day-to-day chores.

I am cautiously optimistic that her guidance will help me dominate my days instead of letting them slink past while I wonder where the time went. The first piece of advice I'm enacting is to think small. I always felt comforted by the 3-5 to-do lists I'd make in a day. The truth is, the lists never got done. Only a team of superpeople could conquer my ambitious lists in a single day and a mere mortal like me just felt defeated by the optimism of the morning compared to the reality of the evening.

My to-do list is now never longer than two items.

item 1- personal goal

item 2- professional goal

Once I complete the goal, I get a new one. I hope to complete around five goals a day but it may take a week just for one. If I know I'm supposed to be chipping away at one goal, I am less likely to get derailed and start something new. Once I start... I must finish! Once I finish... I get to do something else! What a novel idea to finish what I start.

This plan flies in the face of the "shoot for the moon, if you fall short... you land on a star." philosophy. Aside from that quote being cosmically whack, always making unrealistic goals and falling below your expectations of yourself DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. Sometimes, if the goal is the moon, I can become utterly daunted by the task ahead and not even put on my space suit! Sometimes even, "Do your best!" is intimidating.

Instead of thinking big, I am going to think small. Instead of doing my best or shooting for the stars, I will "Do something" and then, high on achievement, I will do another something. Maybe I'll have a snack, pat myself on the back and DO ANOTHER SOMETHING! Woooeee what a day!

I look forward to flopping into bed at the end of the day, reflecting on the goals I completed instead of resigning to the end of a day where I disappointed myself.

- the above picture of my vanity is evidence that thinking small is helpful for me. I normally would have promised myself that I would clean the whole bedroom. That task involves laundry, bunny fur removal, litterbox changing, dusting and de-cluttering and is generally considered a complete drag. I broke that monster into little bits and started with my vanity. The vanity is usually covered with bunched up stockings, assorted belts and a massive knot of necklace chains. Look at it now! It finally deserves to be called a vanity instead of, say, a feminine crapstack. It so appealingly orderly that it makes me want to clean the litterbox so that the place can smell as good as it looks!

So close to shiny new things!

I generally consider myself an old fashioned person with old fashioned ways. I enjoy molasses, real cotton and wool clothing, George Burns, rocking chairs, and folk albums from the 1960s on vinyl.

I also have a hard time learning how to use new gadgets. My fancy phone is still a mystery to me. Despite my urge to stay simple forever, I have decided to challenge my tech incompetence and get with the times. I bought a massive, sexy, Epson wide format printer for making high quality reproductions of my art! I read the manual! I have never read a manual before. After some adjustments, I was able to make a test print that looks so clear and bright that I can hardly believe my eyes.

This is my roundabout way of announcing that the Argyle Whale shop is going to start carrying digital reproductions of the watercolor illustrations I've been working on for the past few months! I admit that I had reservations about digital prints but after seeing such crisp and vibrant colors on nice toothy art paper, I am won over and proud to have them in my shop.

I will still be using Gocco and printing with traditional methods but it will be nice to have another facet of my work. With Gocco, I liked to keep things minimal. I rarely used shading or more than two colors due to my aversion to complicating things. The new line will be more colorful and textured and BIGGER!

I can't wait to show you. I can't right now because I am having computer troubles and am unable to access my photos. The above alligator painting is not even particularly related to anything I mentioned. I figured a pictureless post is worse than a post with an unrelated picture.

a small box of resolve

I just wrote a long post about how I never keep my resolutions because I make 1,000 resolutions a year anyway and I'm so forgetful that few ever stick. My tone was defeatist. I decided not to spread that vibe around. New way of saying the same thing:

I made a resolution and maybe I will do it and maybe I will do something else. Maybe I should be ok with the fact that I'm not very good at bossing myself around and predicting how I will want to spend my time for the next year.

Given that, I would like to share something that I intend to make a habit but it may very well be a spurt. Habits may be better than spurts but spurts are good too. I was just telling someone who is trying to quit smoking that if they don't succeed, they still didn't smoke for as many days as they were a successful quitter and that in itself has merit. Ten days of not smoking is always a good thing even if the intention was a lifetime of not smoking.

The thing I would like to do is become better at showing people I care about them. The tool I am using for this mission is good old pen and paper. Mom and I received many sympathy notes and letters full of good memories and I was given the care package to which all other care packages should aspire. I realized that I want to write nice notes on a regular basis. I spend a lot of time thinking how much I miss someone, how lucky I am to be their friend, how thankful I am for a favor they did for me, how I need to apologize for something. I'm going to try to write it in a note and send it when I think it.

To make this mission even more pleasurable and simple, I put all the ingredients together in a nice box I found at the thrift store. No more rummaging around for a stamp or losing the address; everything I need to send a letter is in the box and all I need are a few words to say. I rarely run out of words.

I've already written three letters this year. I think I wrote two in the entirety of 2011.

Making Merry

This is a very difficult Christmas for a whole bunch of reasons but obviously the recent death of my Dad is weighing heaviest on my heart. My response to the loss has been shutting off the computer for awhile and not participating in Flickr, Twitter, blogging as much and trying to focus more on the flesh and bones folks that are around me. It has meant so much to receive kind words from faraway friends but the people I am surrounding myself with right now are the ones who can give me a good hard hug when I need one.

I feel so lucky to be down in Connecticut with my Mom. We have had plenty of weepy moments but we manage to make each other smile. I realized that despite feeling laden with sadness, I would rather not be a gray cloud. My Dad was known for being generous with a smile and not for lack of heartache and hardship in his life. I am doing my best to follow his example.

Chemical imbalances aside, I think that happiness can be made to some extent. It is a perfect example of "fake it until you make it".

Mom and I were feeling gloomy and so I nudged her sing the wassail song and make the above video with me as a holiday greeting since we didn't have time to send out cards this year. The transition from take one to take four is pretty dramatic. The first time we sang the song it was pretty much the opposite of holiday cheer but by our last the we were certainly making merry and laughing at our mistakes.

I hope that those who celebrated Christmas today had a really good one and those who tried to celebrate but found that they were just "getting through it" had some bright moments.

♫ "Love and Joy come to you and a Merry Christmas too! Bless you and send you a Happy New Year" ♫

Eulogy for my Father

So much has happened in the last three weeks. The day the accident happened and I got a call that Dad was in intensive care after falling while walking the dog seems like months ago. He passed away the day after Thanksgiving. Justin, Mom, Pastor Anne and I were with him and we sang his favorite songs and shared every happy memory we could think of for his last hours. He wasn't ready to go and we were not ready to lose him. We accepted that there was nothing more we could do and tried to give him the most love-filled death possible.

Yesterday was the memorial service. It was just what I needed and filled me up with so much love that my heart hurts a little less from the loss. There were so many people there that the young folks had to stand and they ran out of pages in the guest book. The receiving line felt like a never-ending train of hugs. Good thing I love hugs.

I didn't think I would be able to but I managed to read my eulogy:

Gerrit Towle made friends everywhere he went.

Gathered here today are friends from church, fellow Masons, friends from golfing and friends from Wooding Road. Friends he made while volunteering at the Senior Center, Habitat For Humanity, MasonicCare and The Wallingford Community dinner (where he was fondly known as Mr. Smiley).

Despite an abundance of friends, he was not an easy person to get to know. A "tough nut to crack" if you will. He lived in the present, didn't like talking about the past. He had strong opinions but had perfected the art of "choosing one's battles". Despite a hearing impairment, he seemed to prefer listening to talking.

So, to the friends and family who wished they knew more about the man you didn't need to know much about to love, here is what I know. I know enough to know I don't know it all.

Despite living in Connecticut for most of his life, he always identified as an Ol'Mainer. He liked to do things the way they were done "way back when". A good example of this was his refusal to get a bread making machine, instead preferring to use a huge metal drum clamped to the countertop with a mixing mechanism he would crank by hand with great effort. Canned whipped cream was similarly unnecessary and he would whip his own cream with an egg beater. He embodied the wartime philosophy of "make do and mend" and remade his riding lawnmower from parts from multiple broken machines. He also kept his midnight blue diesel Oldsmobile running until it was one of the last on the road. He wasn't a man defined by his possessions but he sure loved that car.

Some things that couldn't be fixed were still too good to throw away. A few of us are lucky enough to have known him as "the waffle king" for his always perfect and fluffy waffles made from scratch. What I learned recently is that the waffle iron that yielded such golden results had been broken for longer than I'd been alive. The cord could only bring power to the iron if it was laid on the table at a certain angle and the indicator light that tells you when the waffle is ready had never actually indicated anything. He was able to divine the doneness of the waffle by hovering his hand over the top and assessing the amount of steam that was emitted. When the steam slowed down, the waffle was ready. This waffle wizardry just can't be taught and I'm afraid that the heir to the waffle throne had to buy a new iron.

In contrast to his old fashioned ways, he was usually ahead of the trend in philosophy. He could be considered a progressive thinker since he cared about the environment back when resources felt limitless, he became certified as a master gardener and grew organic produce before the dangers of pesticides were part of the discussion. I'd even venture to call him a feminist even though he never applied that title to himself. When he married Virginia, his career was winding towards retirement and hers was just gathering momentum. He offered to take her surname of Richards instead of her taking the Towle name as a way to support her career. They ended up sticking with tradition but the gesture was meaningful. After he retired from the CT Department of Transportation, he took on the role of being a full time stay-at-home Dad for me while I was still in Elementary School and widened his role to care for foster children from many different backgrounds.

Perhaps his forward thinking could be attributed to a lifelong commitment to learning. He was a familiar face at the Wallingford Public Library because reading was part of his daily life. He took out practical books on plumbing, home repair, puppy training, construction, sailing and anything else that interested him as well as books for pleasure like courtroom dramas and spicy mysteries. He did his civic duty by reading a few biographies of presidents and historical nonfiction. I doubt if he ever had less than three books going at the same time. Many people who knew him later in life will be surprised that learning to read didn't come easily to him as a young boy. He was one of the last kids in school to learn how to read due to a learning disability. Never one to draw attention, he disguised his difficulty with his keen ability to memorize. When reading aloud for the class, he was able to seem like an effortless reader, when in reality, he had probably practiced the passage many times at home. It is possible that his struggle to learn to read made him value literacy more than most.

As much as reading meant to him, I think it is more likely that his personal philosophy came from a place of compassion. I believe the most important part of his legacy is his lifelong commitment to caring for people. He cared for his first wife Alyce during her long battle with Lupus. He provided daily assistance to his Uncle and Aunt-in-law when Jenny was bedridden with osteoporosis and again when Chet needed wound care. He was willing to do the hard unpleasant work that sometimes comes with caring about someone. Even outside his circle of loved ones, he advocated for handicapped access for people with mobility problems before those simple courtesies became law. All this was what he considered his duty and then he went and volunteered on top of all that! As we all know, he did it with a smile.

Rest assured, as much as he did for others, he knew how to treat himself once in awhile. He had a signature sundae at Friendly's- coffee ice cream with swiss chocolate topping, whipped cream and a cherry. At home, in the evening, he'd make himself a dry gin martini with olives later falling asleep in his chair with a book on his lap and a dog at his feet.

I'm going to try to hold that image in my mind. Many of you have already sealed your iconic Gerrit moment in your memory.

In choosing how to remember someone, we often fall into trying to oversimplify the person by a few qualities or a story and creating a character that way. Complicated, heavily detailed memories are hard to hang on to. By now most of us have experienced the way that memories fade or change with time despite our best efforts. This week, I have been digging through closets and boxes looking for meaningful souvenirs of his life and assembling 86 years of photographs to try and tell his story. Of course he was more than the habits he had, the objects he surrounded himself with, the things he said and did. We can't catalog and preserve a whole person or a whole life. We can't even promise to always hold on to the memories. What will last longer than anecdotes or trivia or snapshots in our mind is the simple way that he made us feel. This will be different for everyone. For me, he made me feel special and safe and loved always.

I can't forget that and I will always be thankful and proud that he was my Father.

I also posted the slideshow we made of old photos over on Vimeo- http://vimeo.com/33114234

Everything on hold- family emergency

I am putting everything on hold. I am in Connecticut indefinitely because my Dad is having a serious health crisis. I'd like to be able to tell the whole story soon but it feels a bit too overwhelming right now. I can say that on Wednesday, I thought I was saying goodbye to him but today has given me reason to feel optimistic. No matter what, we have a long road ahead of us and I need to focus on being with my family.

Obviously, I am unable to run my online shop during the holiday rush while all this is going on. I am returning to Massachusetts on Monday to pack and tie up loose ends and then closing my Argyle Whale shop. Shipping the last orders on Tuesday so if you wanted something, make sure you order it by Monday because then I am closing for a month or a year... I honestly have no idea how long I will be living in Connecticut with Mom.

In case some of you were wondering, the bunnies and hedgehog are being taken care of by Justin who is "holding down the fort" in Massachusetts.

I expect lots of slow and quiet days at the hospital are in my future. The internet connection is awful here and even worse at my parent's house so while I may not be posting much, I will probably still be drawing. There is not much to do here except wait for a finger wiggle or opening eyes. Patience and strength and amazing medical staff and family and friends and love are working wonders right now.

11/11/11 special birthday

Happy 11/11/11 to all of you and especially to my friend and much admired artist- Sarah Coyne! Today is Sarah's birthday and the girl knows how to have a good time. She has planned an entire day's worth of goodness including buttery breakfast, aquarium animals, high tea on the sea and a grand finale of ice cream sundaes! I love her. This day is so full of my favorite things that it feels as nice as my own birthday!

To celebrate the occasion, I made her a painting that makes very little sense but features many elements of her party. There are sea lions and penguins in some spaceless wavyland enjoying tea and whipped cream and cake (sometimes as hats).

I tried to make it very loose because I am battling my general way of making art that requires timid pencil, erasing, edits and all that. I still don't think this looks effortless but it is getting there. There are paint marks outside the lines!!

ALL THE THINGS

Things are heating up at AWHQ (Argyle Whale headquarters... I can't pretend to be cool enough to acronym myself like everyone will know what I'm talking about).

I recently noticed that aside from going to craft fairs, I don't have much of a local presence for my art. That is just dumb. I should be neighborly and participate in the scene of my surrounding area instead of solely selling and sharing online.

The situation is being remedied. Argyle Whale IRL (that means in real life... people know that one right?) is coming to a gallery or shop near you if you are near me.

Galleries:

Washington Street Art Center- Somerville, MA (ok, this one is over because I had this post in draft mode too long)

Gallery Della Piana- Hamilton Wenham, MA for the animal themed show called The Beauty of the Beast

The Gallery at Porter Mill- Beverly, MA (This one is a pending maybe because it is up to the juror if I get in the show)

Pop up shops:

Concord Handmade- Concord, NH

GOLDMINE- Northampton, MA

Regular shops:

Magpie- Somerville, MA

ARCworks- Peabody, MA

Of course I'm doing a few craft fairs too. I kept the list a little slim because it is my first year as a Bazaar Bizarre organizer and I didn't want to have too many commitments.

Montserrat College of Art Holiday Sale- Beverly, MA on December 2nd

Bazaar Bizarre- Boston, MA on December 4th

Mass Market- Boston, MA on December 11th

I'm also running a handful of workshops at the ARCworks in Peabody!

The photo above is some sketching I'm doing for a secret project with Meagan.

This seems like a lot going on but next year I hope to be doing twice as much. Maybe three times as much. Must hustle.

Woodland Creature Project PART THREE v.1!

I bet some of you thought that there would never be a part three because I am very forgetful. Guess again! Get ready for the first of FIVE part threes! I'm dramatic like that. (catch up if you missed ONE and TWO)

I still have to work on getting the scanned version of this piece to more accurately represent the original but it is nearly done and may be a candidate for my first ever digital print for sale! Isn't it naaaasty? I like it. This spaghetti & chickadees is some dark shit for me.

I am having trouble deciding about all the white background. On one hand, I like not having any more information added because I think it would reduce the strangeness of the scene but I also think it could look unfinished. I welcome opinions on this matter.

Teaser: Woodland Creature Project PART THREE v.2 involves rum and maple syrup.

This girl is aware of her tacky behavior:

What kind of person interviews herself on her own blog?

The kind of person that was recently interviewed for a feature in the Somerville News and spent too much time crafting thoughtful answers but ended up as just a little blip in the article. I am very glad for that little blip and I know that is the way of the press but I am an exceptionally slow typist. I feel if I post the whole interview here, I can justify the hours I spent replying. The questions themselves may be considered the intellectual property of the very nice interviewer so I will ask them in my own way (to make this even more awkward!).

Hi Elise, I don't know much about you so could you give me an idea of where your artistic inspiration comes from and mention some artists that you think are THE BEST?

I have an overabundance of inspiration and more ideas than I could ever realistically pursue because I find inspiration all over the place.

That said, there are definitely artists I admire who make me feel a surge of creative energy. I love Shel Silverstein for his use of humor and the illusion of effortlessness and loose imperfection in his drawing style. I also am dazzled by anything Jon Klassen does. I was first introduced to his simple and spacious fine art that has a cinematic feel and then found his animation and collages. Recently he wrote and illustrated one of the best children's books I've seen in ages called, "I Want My Hat Back". I would love to model my career after these two artists and always express a lightness and fun spirit in what I make that is not limited by artistic medium.

Cool, now that you have the ideas brewing, how do you go about making the goods?

My artistic process is fast and furious. When an idea pops in my head I try to sketch it within the hour or it is probably gone forever! These sketches are then moved to my massive "to be continued" corkboard. Sometimes they linger up there for a year before I play with them again but often I let the idea "marinate" for a few days while I collect the right paper and ink and re-draw the whole thing with a finer touch (my sketches are fairly brutal looking compared to my finished designs). The next step usually involves my small Japanese Gocco silkscreening machine and I will set up a movie and print out a whole edition of small

prints in a single evening. My process is sometimes more involved but I usually like to "strike while the iron is hot" so to speak. A speedy process helps me battle artistic inertia.

TELL ME MORE!

I'm from Connecticut and came to Massachusetts to go to Montserrat College of Art. There I mostly made sculptures and elaborate installations but as soon as I graduated, I flattened out and started drawing. I was never naturally good at drawing but over time, I found it was a good way to get to know things I was already interested in. I started drawing exotic animals as a way to learn more about them and found I was much less inhibited when drawing wildlife versus portraits and still life. I started to sell my drawings printed on stationery, notebooks and small art in my online shop Argyle Whale. My husband and I took in two rabbits and a hedgehog who needed homes and now I always have adorable models! We've settled in Salem and I hope to stay here.

Do you feel committed to your art form or are you pursuing something new?

I appreciate many other art forms and while I am an illustrator and printmaker right now, I used to make sculpture and even before that I was very into photography and singing! I can see a pattern of shifting medium every few years so who knows what I will be next. I like to keep things low tech for my own sanity but I do enjoy multimedia art and would love to collaborate with someone who has the technical know-how to animate my drawings.

What is the deal with this little weirdo (pictured above)?
The bambi-like animal above is actually a teeny tiny african dik dik. They have such long and flirtatious eyelashes that I thought one would be perfect on a love note or valentine. The text on this card is a good example of what started out as tech-phobia becoming an actual interest of mine. When I started making cards, I didn't want to fuss with using the computer to add writing so I did all the lettering by hand. Over time, hand lettering has become as enjoyable as drawing!

Thank you for taking all that time to reply to my questions slowly with your T-Rex style typing.

Oh no no, thank YOU!

Ps. Did you take that unflattering Photobooth picture of yourself on Halloween while waiting for Justin to get ready? maybe

Makers Gonna Make

I seriously have so many unfinished projects right now but I can't keep myself from riding the new idea wave for all it is worth.

New idea:

A text project for a change! No bunnies and nothing with a face! I decided to use the phrase "Makers Gonna Make" which I originally heard from Meg Hunt's Twitter and play with writing those words using various art materials. I think it will be a fun series and will be a good way for me to get experimental with type.

The first thing I made used the quickest material on hand that I could do quietly at 1am while Justin was sleeping (yes, it was one of those frenzied streaks of inspiration). Good old hot glue! Not bad for starters. I have a ton of ideas for more involved exercises... I even tried out a woodburning pen. Awwww yeeeah new tools!

I know I always feel this way at the beginning and I admit that it really reminds me of an introduction to graphic design class assignment but whatever! I think this could be WAY COOL if I stick with it.

Getting personal about my brain

This is such a long story. Like, a lifelong story. I'll do my best to be concise. For those of you who have gone out with me in the past month or two, I apologize for talking so much about this! I have been kind of obsessed with self awareness lately and I let myself think that just because something is fascinating to me, it must be fascinating to everyone.

Here is the deal:

This Summer I figured out that despite creative strengths, I have some serious mental weaknesses. This revelation came after yet another job I thought I would be good at did not work out. I was extremely frustrated that certain things that came easily for others were near impossible for me (organization, time management, multitasking, focus, filtering stimuli, following designated processes, repetitive tasks).

So, I did what I always do and called my Mom. Her response was, "maybe you should consider treating your ADD."

Oh, the ADD I didn't even know I had? Yes. That one.

Justin directed me to some stories of adults with ADD and by the time I was done reading it, I was in tears (in a good way) to realize the things that frustrated me most about myself could potentially have a treatment.

From that point on, I was research binge-ing I read three books, countless forums and talked with people I know who have ADD. The whole thing was pretty enlightening and the more I learned about ADD the more I realized the zillion small and large ways it has affected my life. For example, The fact that I almost never drove because I was afraid I would run someone over turned out to be a reasonable fear because people with ADD are WAY more likely to create car accidents. Over the years, I'd developed dozens of coping strategies that I didn't even realize were coping strategies. I'm a compulsive list-maker, I set timers and alarms so I don't forget things, I've avoided tasks that I should do because I didn't believe I could complete them successfully.

After a long and nervous wait, I finally got an appointment with a therapist who sees people with ADD. I think I struck gold with her. She is so encouraging and optimistic and helpful. After she was able to give me her official diagnosis, I was so relieved to be validated.

My therapist convinced me that I would be a good candidate for medicine. I am usually not a pill taker so I was reluctant. But I was feeling desperate so I agreed to visit a psychopharmacologist. I was put on a stimulant that made me feel so sleepy it was like I was always moving through a pool of molasses (counterintuitive right?). The doctor told me to stick with it and it was expected of people with ADD to feel sleepy on a stimulant when it makes non ADD brains hyper.

I'm so glad I kept taking the pills because the tiredness diminished and I started to see myself improving slightly. Tiny little things. I started doing things in a more practical order. I remember calling Justin at work to tell him that something amazing happened, "I went in the kitchen to make Rice Krispie treats and one hour later, I had made Rice Krispie treats!" He declared it a miracle.

This is just sort of a progress report. I don't think my medicine is right yet and I hear it takes a lot of tweaking in the beginning to find out what is best. I guess I just wanted to share what I've been going through and how optimistic I'm feeling. Previously, I would get very hard on myself for house clutter, forgotten responsibilities and inability to keep a job. Now I feel like I finally am on my way to helping myself do well at the things that matter to me.

Also, the most profound difference is that I can drive so much better! I am not covered in sweat after a five minute grocery store jaunt. I am able to trust my brain more to not put me in dangerous situations.

side note: Yes, I act like "my brain" and "me" are different things. I used to talk to my brain all the time like, "hey brain, don't blow this for the rest of me" and now I see I was talking to my chemical imbalance and sluggish neurotransmitters!

Feel free to comment or email me about this... Especially if you are going through something similar. I'm happy to overshare.

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrsenil/

woodland creature project PART TWO

All those little animals I made for Laura found their way into her 2011/2012 look book for her Pansy Maiden vegan bags! Look at those models making like Snow White! The Look Book is a stunner and I'm so glad to be part of it. I am also proud that my first bit of client work was for such a good company.

Take a peek at the rest of the collection here: http://www.pansymaiden.com/look-book/

Photo Credit- Lucie Wicker Photography

But wait! This story isn't over yet. My original paintings of deer, rabbits and chickadees are stuck floating on a white page. They served their purpose but I can't leave them like that. I will show you what I am up to with them soon in PART THREE (the satisfying conclusion to this saga).

woodland creature project PART ONE

I recently finished up some watercolor paintings of cute woodland creatures for Laura of Pansy Maiden. This was an unusual project for me for many reasons. 1. I'm not used to working with clients (I usually just do my thing and hope someone buys it.) 2. I'm not used to working on a deadline (and this one was exceptionally slim!) 3. I'm not very experienced with watercolor (You may remember it was only a couple months ago that I tried it for the first time since childhood.)

All that said, I am so glad I challenged myself and stepped out of my artistic comfort zone. Yes, there are still bunnies- but deer and birds are not as easy for me. It was a pleasure working with Laura and though I think the watercolor was a little overworked, I am pleased with how they turned out. I only had one major meltdown when my scanner broke.

I submitted the animals to Laura with only a vague idea of what she was planning to do with them. Today, I finally got to see what her vision was. I'll show you tomorrow in PART TWO! (dramatic art cliffhanger!)

Acorn's fall photoshoot

Some people have asked/ begged for me to post more pictures of my hedgehog. I understand. He is very photogenic.

The reason I don't post more pictures of him is many-layered. First, he prefers to come out at night and so for me to take a nice sunlit picture of him, it means waking him up in the middle of the day. He is already a grumpy dude and when I interrupt his sleep, he is DOUBLE GRUMPY!

The second is because I think hedgehog ownership is becoming more popular and I bet much of their popularity comes from people seeing cute pictures online and desperately wanting one of their own. I always want to post pictures with a disclaimer. Hedgehogs are not for everyone. In my opinion, hedgehogs are probably not for the vast majority of people. I love Acorn but he is also a high maintenance, low on tenderness, stink machine that recently bit a hole through my fingernail because he was nervous when I gave him a bath. Justin and I did plenty of research before "rescuing" him from a disappointed teenager who posted him on Craigslist but we didn't fully grasp what it is like to have a nocturnal, exotic pet covered in spikes who likes to eat insects and prefers to poop while running on his wheel.

I think what I am trying to say is that I don't want to post cute pictures of him because I think it helps to create a demand for hedgehogs and I don't want to help create a false sense of pet perfection. They are tough customers. Hard to please little prickleballs. I love Acorn but Acorn does not feel the same about me and I can handle that. I bet some other people need a little reciprocal affection for all their efforts.

I know not all hedgehogs are the same and I have witnessed (with envy in my heart) some hog/human relationships that are downright cuddly. I just thought I should give my full speech so that I can post this insanely adorable picture of Acorn and some gourds without any reservations.

Something Sweet Art Auction and Dessert Buffet

Local folks, on Friday, November 4th from 6:00 to 9:00 you should come to the Something Sweet Art Auction and Dessert Buffet at Gallery 321 at the Washington Street Art Center in Somerville, MA. Seriously! I made a list of why:

1. You have been looking for an occasion to wear some fancy outfit

2. ART + DESSERT = bliss

3. Hot drinks, potential for a hot date

4. All proceeds from the art auction and the $10 entry fee will help the Somerville Homeless Coalition

5. The above original painting is my contribution to the event

6. I hardly ever make originals available!

7. Loads of other artists are bringing good work!

See you there! http://www.washingtonst.org/

Workshop wrap up

I led a workshop at Montserrat College of Art this past weekend about being an artist and a businessperson. The main focus of the workshop was getting your work online using Etsy and I talked loads about social networking, selling at craft fairs, licensing and gave all the tips I could think of. It was eight hours of enthusiastically trying to show creative people who are on the fence about selling their work how to go for it! It was seriously so much fun and I couldn't be more proud about the response I've gotten from the participants. I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy about all the feedback and I can't wait to see the shops they set up.

I know I haven't got it all figured out for myself but teaching people what I know has helped me see how far I've come.

I can't wait until my next workshop! Teaching is the best. I am learning so much.

My opinion on dealing with copy-cattery

I've been meaning to talk about copying and was reminded of the issue when shopping around Etsy today. I saw an item that gave me a sinking feeling because it strongly resembled one of my most loved designs. I can honestly say that upon seeing the item, my body temperature rose for a few moments. This has happened to me about a dozen times. My immediate reaction to seeing a potential mimic is to be either indignant or foaming-at-the-mouth enraged. After dealing with this feeling for years (sometimes poorly) I have a plan of action I feel confident to recommend.

Next time you come across something you deem a copy of your work, try this:

1. Be really upset for as long as you feel really upset but please do not do a single thing. If you must vent your anger, make sure you are speaking to a small private audience. I like to call my Mom because she is always on my side and makes me feel like I can overcome any injustice.

2. Once your passionate fury has subsided to a low growl, take a deep breath and eat a big bowl of humility because the next part requires a clear mind.

3. Examine the copy-ness of the copy. I'm not really discussing rip-offs shipped overseas and mass produced. I'm mostly focusing on the idea of artists and crafters stealing from other artists and crafters. It is painfully obvious when huge companies copy because they barely bother to hide it. This advice mostly does not apply to big companies who practice creative theft.

Most copies in question fall along the similarity spectrum of fraternal twins to distant relations by marriage. To determine if you have reason to take action, ask yourself these questions:

- Research! Did the item in question appear after yours? Do they seem to have some creative ideas in their portfolio or shop or does it all look like copies? Does the alleged copier clearly have knowledge of your existence (i.e.- they bought from you in the past, repeated your writing, used your product photographs, you are so super famous that Martha Stewart asked for your autograph)

- Is your art made of pieces that other people can purchase and assemble? Jewelry findings, clip art, anything made of things manufactured on a large scale? Unless dramatically modified, it is easy to see how similar items could be created from similar pieces.

- Do you think you are the only person who has ever done this? Seriously? I am not trying to be mean but there are lots of productive and creative people out there and sometimes lightning strikes twice especially if you are using an on-trend vocabulary of imagery.

- If your technique or item is very simple, what makes it distinctly yours? It is a gray area for sure but I think this part requires SOUL SEARCHING about what makes your vision unique.

4. If you have come this far and still believe that a person knowingly imitated your totally original item without a dash of their own creativity, you are ready to make your case... to a friend (no lawyers yet!). I hope you have a friend who you can trust who will take this concern seriously and knows that their role is to try to be an objective copycat juror and not a nodding-in-agreement machine. If you can convince your level-headed friend that you have been wronged, feel confident to take the first step of confrontational action!

5. After your friend's agreement, you may be tempted to spill just a tiny bit of venom online. Don't blow it! I believe it is ethical to open a dialogue with the accused before rallying an internet gang against them. I like to employ a firm but non-harassing tone. Maybe talking to them will make you realized that the offender just walked the line of inspiration vs copy a little too closely and you have an opportunity to set them straight. Even better, you may have found a kindred creative person who sees the world the way you do and makes similar art; maybe you should be friends with them!

6. I rarely have had to bust out my Cease and Desist Letter *legal shivers* because most people I've contacted have apologized and promised to stop or convinced me that they were possibly innocent. If your copycat doesn't reply to talking like a normal person, please use the power of legalese and draft one of these puppies and talk about your fake lawyer while you start researching how to find a real lawyer.

7. 95% of the time there is no need for a step 7 in situations of artists stealing from artists. If you are here at step 7 and still want to proceed, I have become useless to you. Thankfully, I have only needed to go this far. If anyone can recommend some resources for serious legal action, I welcome them in the comments.

Did you notice that I have not included a step that recommends you use all the power of your Blog and Twitter followers to drum up intellectual property outrage about your case? Sorry! I know that being validated by the masses is delicious BUT it is also unwise. If you get a lawyer, your lawyer will tell you not to talk about the case. Heck, too much craptalking (aka slander) could have legal consequences for you too!

I hope that next time you are faced with the stressful situation of dealing with copyright infringement, you find my method helpful. In the case of the piece of art I saw on Etsy today that I thought could be a mimic of my design, It didn't make it past step three and was not even close enough for me to feel I needed to confront the artist.

I also hope that the next time you hear one of your favorite artists accuse someone of infringing, that you don't join in for a quick conviction. My theory is that the best way a person can help the original artist is to promote and support of their creativity rather than rally against some designer impostor (lets not drive traffic to their site).

Maybe I am too soft. I'd love to discuss this topic more. Have you ever been too quick to call foul? Do you think it is appropriate for an artist to publicly accuse another artist? Have you ever thought something was your brand new creative idea only to realize someone else had been doing it before you?

Miffy and more bunnies

I don't know why I felt I needed to start another project when I am swamped by unfinished ones.

I started a very simple Tumblr last week called "Another Bunny" where I'm whipping up a quick bunny and posting every day. So far it has been a good way for me to experiment with different materials and techniques because the imagery is consistent so I'd like the materials to change. I've only completed six bunnies but so far I feel like they look like they were made by all different people.

I often wonder if I should allow myself the kind of willy-nilly-ness I always indulge in or if I should spend more time refining my style or at least pick a medium and marry it. I haven't decided yet.

Speaking of drawing bunnies every single day (and being exceptionally consistent), I watched the most wonderful short audio slideshow of Dick Bruna- creator of Miffy. It was so nice to hear him talk about getting Miffy's mouth and nose just right because that is all she has. He seems like such a nice person. Hanging out with an 84 year old Dick Bruna drawing bunnies all day in the Netherlands would be my dream internship.

Watch it here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/childrens-books-site/interactive/2011/sep/27/dick-bruna-audio-slideshow

ps. I just realized I am drinking out of my Miffy mug from Meagan!

Another Bunny Tumblr: http://anotherbunny.tumblr.com/